Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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