your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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