I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Randomize
