I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
