with your own penis?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
