Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
im about as happy as oj after his trial
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
