What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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