He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
