True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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