I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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