I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
