My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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