I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
