3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
