After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
