i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
