Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Randomize
