I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you had me at cake vodka
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
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