so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
