Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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