chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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