I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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