Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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