It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
