I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
