Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
