you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
