You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
