I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
