well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
