Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
