The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
