did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
