you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
