the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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