I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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