Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
