a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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