I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
