I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
did you just send me my own nude
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
