i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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