Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize