his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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