A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Two words: blizzard sex
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
