i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
