SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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