i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
