I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
