I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
