just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
