we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
