whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
