I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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