I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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