im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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