Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
