i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
