Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
