I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
