The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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