Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
