I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
