this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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