just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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