Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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