When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
