i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my being single is dangerous.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
