I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize