ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
