just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
