I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just gargled with NyQuil
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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