Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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