Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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