somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
