I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
