I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize