Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
