I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
