I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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