I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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