If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
