So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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