shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
