What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
