All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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