Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
