Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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