i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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