Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
