Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
