he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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