ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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