I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
did you just send me my own nude
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
